Somebody must have pee'd in my Cheerios

<---------- Yep... I need to remember this.  Today is one of those days.  Not that anything has necessarily happened to me, but I'm just in one of "those" moods.  If you don't see me for a few days be sure and check under my bed or in the closet.  It's very possible I can be found there.

~E

Which will you choose?

So I guess I have had some kind of epiphany over the past few days, or perhaps some would call it a meltdown (potatoe-potato)?  To be honest I'm just so sick of the negativity that has been surrounding me.  I am one of those people that feeds off of attitudes and if I am around someone that is positive and upbeat, then I too will be that way.  However, if I get around a person(s) that is negative it consumes me and before I know it I am mad at the world.  I'm not happy that I am this way, but it is what it is.

I have decided to delete my social networking accounts because I'm finding that my attitude has been stemming from those sites unfortunately.  Plus, my phone seems to be constantly glued to my hip, so I'm hoping this will take away some of that urgency.  Ah, to be back in the days of no cell phones.  I don't even remember a world like that, sadly. 

There are several things I feel like I need to work on in my life.  My Faith, being the best Mother I can be, my weight, money management, etc...  I know the person that I want to be, it is just a matter of me taking the necessary steps to become that person.  It's going to be tough, and I know that I will have some slip-ups, but It's time for me to grow up and be a better example for my daughter and teach her to be the best Woman that she can be. 

I will continue to blog because this is actually quite therapeutic for me.  However, you will not be seeing me on Facebook or Twitter (not that I ever figured out how to use it anyways).  I wish everyone the best and I ask for prayers and encouragement and happy, positive thoughts during this time.  Please keep in touch! :) ~E

Disappearing acts do NOT impress me...

Okay, so I'm going to go on a bit of a rant this morning, so bear with me.  Why do the guys that I date think it is okay to disappear for weeks, sometimes months and then come back into my life like nothing ever happened?  What kind of vibe am I putting off to attract these ass wipes?  It's really getting rather old!  And before any of you sit there and say, "once you stop looking the right guy will come along", I have not been looking.  I have not been searching.  Somehow these "men" end up finding me.  To be perfectly honest, I'm quite content on being alone other than the fact that I miss the companionship of someone on occasion.  I just don't get it.  It is exhausting having to deal with people like that, along with the everyday stuff I handle as well.  If you cannot bring some kind of positive influence into mine and my daughter's life... please move along and save us all the trouble!! :/

~E

30 Day Shred Challenge

Today I start my 30DS challenge.  I'm pretty excited and am determined to stick it out for the 30 days!  I have started the DVD before, but quit after a few days.  I have seen some amazing results that ladies have posted on MFP and I want to have results like that.  So here I go.  I'll post before and after pics once I complete the program.  Wish me luck! :)

~E

A Better Outlook...

Sometimes all you need is someone to remind you that as much bad as there is in the world, there is also a ton of good!  So I have changed my attitude this afternoon.  There is still tragedy all around, but I'm choosing to look at it differently and not let the negativity consume me. Have a blessed weekend, everyone! :) 

~E

My heart is heavy

I woke up this morning excited that it was Friday!  I was excited that I get to see my best friend this weekend and spend some time with her!  I was excited that it was payday!  Then I turn on the news and open up FB and see all of the tragedy that is happening around me.  How do you avoid letting things like that affect your mood?  Last night there was a shooting in Aurora, Colorado at a movie theater.  At least 12 are dead, including children, several more injured.  A dear friends sister delivered a healthy, baby boy yesterday.  Today she (the mom) is on her way to another hospital because she has taken a turn for the worst.  One of the Inspectors at my job said that his son's friend shot and killed himself last night.  Everywhere I look there is death and tragedy and heartache.  I know that God has a plan for us all, but sometimes it is so hard to wrap my mind around all of the hate and unhappiness that surrounds us everyday.  I am praying for all of these families, the friends, and the victims.  I know that one day we will be surrounded with nothing but love and laughter.  Until that happens, I will hold my head high and take advantage of the time I have with my daughter and my family and friends and continue to PRAY.  I hope you will all do the same.  And on that note, I leave you with a picture of me and my precious!  God Bless!  ~E

~Hannah and Mommy 2011~

How did I get to this point?

Yesterday I got on the dreaded scale and measured myself so I could have something to look back on in a few months and know that I will NEVER reach that point again.

• Weight- 201
• Bust- 46
• Wasist- 42
• Hips- 46
• Arms- 13.5
• Calves- 23.5

Ugh... these numbers really put some things into perspective.  I have always realized I am not small.  But seeing these measurements makes me sad.  I see how badly I have abused my body.  Not with drugs, not with a physical weapon- but I've abused it with years and years of unhealthy habits.  Today I start rewarding my body with exercise and healthy food choices.  Not ice cream and a night in front of the TV. 

I really do have a love/hate relationship with running.  Last night I decided to officially get back at it.  My goal was to run a whole mile.  I had done it before several times, but that was several weeks ago.  I started out with my mile mapped and thought "oh, this is going to be a piece of cake"- excuse the food pun.  I rounded the first corner while listening to "All I do is Win", thinking to myself I might actually be able to go farther than a mile.  As I round the second corner about 1/3 of the way into my mile I felt death knocking on my doorstep.  I was sweating and breathing hard with the thought of just giving up.  I told myself it was okay to walk a little if I needed to- so I did.  I caught my breath and started running again after a couple of minutes.  I finished the mile running- not walking.  It ended up being about 3/4 of the mile that I ran and walking the other 1/4.  But you know what?  I am okay with that.  I could have been laying in my bed watching "How I Met Your Mother", but instead I decided to get up and start my new life.  Below is my quick exercise program for the night. 

• 1.28 miles, 19:35
• 40 jumping jacks
• 30 crunches
• 20 squats
• 10 push ups
• Total of 277 calories burned

 It only took me about 23 minutes.  It may not be much, but it was better than nothing!  I was proud of myself and felt SO much better.  It doesn't take a lot to start getting results.  Just get up and move!  ~E

Here we go again...

Well... with the inspiration of many friends- my best friend being #1, I'm hoping to start this journey, AGAIN, and stick to it.  My BFF started a blog back in May and I'm hoping that documenting this journey will help hold me accountable and also help keep me on track... Fingers crossed.

Let's start from the beginning... I have had weight problems as far back as I can remember.  Actually, it all started back in 5th grade--- when I had the dreaded "change".  As if puberty isn't hard enough, add weight problems in the mix and you've got yourself a real recipe for disaster!  I've never had a problem making friends, and consider myself pretty outgoing.  Except for my close friends and family, you would never know that deep down I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.  I hate trying on clothes, and I hate going on dates, and going to the pool--- so why isn't this enough to get me off my ass to actually do something?! 

I started MFP back in January, 2012 and actually did really well for several months.  I lost 23 pounds and started running and was enjoying myself.  I signed up to do a 5k on Mother's Day- "Run Like a Mother".  My friend Tiffany, from MFP came into town and did the race with me.  My time wasn't great, but I did it.  I actually went into a race with the intention to run and I finished! 

~Erin & Tiffany 5/13/12~

Once I finished that race it was like I didn't have anything to look forward to, I just gave up.  I've gained back 12 of the pounds I lost and am back in the freaking 200's again! I NEVER wanted to look at the scale and see that horrible '2' at the beginning of my weight again.  I could have probably crawled in a hole Monday morning when I saw it.  But, instead of crying and whining about it- I'm going to try and look at this as a new beginning.  I do NOT want to be this person for the rest of my life.  I want to set good examples for my daughter and instill healthy habits in her.  I want to be able to look at pictures and be proud of what I see.  I want to have energy and live to be happy and healthy for as long as the Lord allows.

~My "before" photos~

This is my new beginning!  This is where I say "good-bye" to being fat and unhealthy, and I say "hello" to the new Erin that is desperate to come out!  I know some days are going to be harder than others, but I am determined to stick to this.  I want to be one of the inspirational stories that I read every day.  I want people to say, "if Erin can do it, I can do it."  So, here's to starting over and taking it day by day!  ~E

Truer words have never been spoken...